I came across this article on an adoption website and being the parent of both bio/adopted children I thought it was worded perfectly. Although we have never experienced any negative comments regarding adoption there have been times when comments were made due to just plain ignorance or uneducated on adoption. My hope is that one day adoption will be viewed just as natural as giving birth because for me as a parent it is just that.
RESPECTFUL ADOPTION LANGUAGE
Using accurate, positive, and respectful language when discussing adoption is a vital part of being sensitive to all individuals touched by adoption. Intentionally using constructive and precise terms educates everyone about the following realities of adoption:
1. Adoption, like birth, is a valid way to build a family. Adoption is not second best.
2. Children who are adopted are just as loved and valued as children born into the family.
3. The bonds in adoptive families are "real" and the relationships are permanent.
4. Adoption happens through a series of choices. Adopted children are not victims that need pity. Likewise, adoptive parents are not saints or saviors that need to be glorified.
5. People who are a part of the child's history are respected and valued.
PARENTING TIP: Here are a few guidelines for presenting a positive, accurate, and realistic image of adoption to others.
1. Only say "adopted" child or "adoptive" parent when it is relevant. Otherwise, just say "child" or "parent." Ask yourself, "Why am I describing how our family was formed? Is it relevant here?"
2. You are the "real" and "natural" (not artificial!) parents of your child. When people use these terms to refer to the biological/birth parents, educate them.
3. Remember that adoption is an event, not a chronic condition. Say that your child "was" adopted, not "is" adopted.
4. Terms like "put up for adoption" or "given up for adoption" objectify the child, invoke pity, and imply that the child has little value. It is better to say that an adoption plan was made, even if that plan was made by a government.
5. Remember to refer to all children in your family as your "own." Saying "own child" only when referring to your biological child implies that your adopted child is an outsider.
And lastly...
6. Don't let people glorify you because you adopted a child. Although it may feel flattering, the implication of such a comment is that your child should be eternally grateful that you "saved" her. What a tremendous burden for a child to carry.
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Ruby showing off her name on her vest.
Ruby will turn 2 years old Sept. 29th.
Ruby showing off her name on her vest.
Ruby will turn 2 years old Sept. 29th.
